I am thankful

I am thankful ....

... for suffering. (and that it's only temporary)

... for God's timing being so incredibly perfect.

... for my wax.

... but more for my lit wick.

.... so no cupcakes this week.

I haven't been inspired to bake lately. sad, I know. I have been far more interested in eating and cooking food that is good for my body. (maybe that's why I bought protein powder. waahhh who am I becoming?!)

.... Running is lovely.

I ran a solid 8 last week with Amanda in less than 10 minute miles + tons of harsh wind. It felt good. It was my first long run that I had enough strength to sprint the last little bit. This week we did just over 5, my foot isn't too keen on running lately. :-/ Back to the doc I go. argh. I have been really interested in this trainer, Rachel Cosgrove. She did a complete iron man and lost 5lbs, she wasn't content with this so she did some research. After her research she realized she should have lost 64lbs!!! She realized that your body just gets used the cardio, which completely explains why I can run 5 miles and barely break a sweat. My body isn't being pushed anymore. She switched to doing a lot more strength training and boot camp style work outs. (lunges, squats, jumprope, kettle bell, etc) She saw a tremendous difference. Now, does this mean I am done running? HECK NO. (well, we'll see what the doc says ;) ) I run because I love it, not because I want to lose weight. But, lets be serious, I might add some of her workouts to week and take out a little running. Amanda and I did today and boy is it going to be hard to get out of bed tomorrow! :) ahh, it hurts so good.

I am thankful for suffering

because I have learned so much about myself. All the times my heart physically hurt, all the times I cried my eyes out driving home from somewhere, all the times I chose to run rather than sit and cry. This was hard. It hurt. It SUCKED. I even had a serious realization. I realized I was trying to be someone other than myself just to be loved. I didn't know who I was. I was so concerned with being that other person that I completely lost track of me. of what I like. of where I want to travel. of who I want to be friends with. of what means the most to me. through this suffering I learned that yes, I do like nice things. yes my dream is to be that adorable teacher who runs when she gets out of school every day. that teacher that strives to make a difference. no, i don't want to move to a new city all alone. i just can't get into Harry Potter. i am kind of spoiled. i have too many pairs of shoes but i'm completely okay with it. i love reading about Jesus but a cheesy girly novel is fantastic too. i want to hike a mountain. i learned that i'm not hipster. i'm not indie. i'm not preppy. i am ME. I like Gap. I like Banana Republic. I dream of wearing J.Crew but yet the idea of dreads, tattoos, flannel shirts and Tom's Shoes is so me too. I separated this for so long just to be loved. In return I got the opposite. I am thankful that this hurt and suffering is making me ME. (I am also glad that suffering is forever, because that would be real hard.)

I am thankful that God's timing is perfect.

I had been struggling a lot the past couple of weeks and really missing someone that once meant a lot to me. I hurt and I still do but throughout these past couple weeks I learned that I played a part in the problems too. Through these realizations I found that I was ready for forgiveness, grace and peace for this situation and God knew it because he made the beginning of this happen. It was one of those times where I sat back and thought, Dang God you so know what's up. You knew I was ready for this. You knew I needed this.

I am thankful for my wax.

Shane taught today on Revelation 2. He talked about verse 9, where it says "I know your afflictions and poverty- yet you are rich!" .. aka "I know about your emptiness, but you are full." At first, this made no sense. But then he used a big versus a small candle to demonstrate this. The big candle has way more wax but when lit, they produce the exact same amount of light and heat. Our richness doesn't come from the wax surrounding the candle, but from the fact that our wick is lit. He explained that we are born with the same with but different wax. But in this life we are so consumed with who has more/better wax. (money, cars, houses, clothes, etc) I am thankful for my wax, because it's just enough. I am thankful for what I've been given and the opportunities I've had.. but I am more thankful

for my lit wick.

I have been given this lit wick to light many other candles. I have been given this gift. We all have and I am so excited that I get to use this. I get to spread it. My richness is my WICK. not my wax. my richness comes from above, not from what I have here on earth. no amount of wax will ever enlarge the scale or scope of the wick and no one is more rich than someone who's wick is lit.

i'm wordy. i ramble. i don't use perfect grammar and punctuation. and sometimes i don't make sense. it's fine.

I am thankful.