6.25 miles and frozen corn.

6.25 miles.

i just ran that. and it was fantastic. this is the farthest I have ran since the doc told me close to 7 weeks ago that I need to stop running. overall, the run went great, but the bad part is that my foot did bother me, actually I am icing while typing. bahhumbug... does this mean I shouldn't run my half? if you ask me, no... but im hard headed and stubborn... but it does make me nervous even if I know dancing on it this weekend made it sore.. along with the 4 miles i ran on sunday. soo... in 3 days I ran 10 miles... not too bad.

i am running 13.1 miles in 11 days. 11 DAYS. I feel like i have been waiting for this forever, oh wait.. i have.. i started training in DECEMBER. if only i hadn't been injured... i would have rocked the socks off of this race. but instead i'll be full of joy if i get myself across that finish line. woof. this sucks.

do you know that frozen corn (or peas) is THE BEST for icing body parts. im serious, i'll never use anything different.

i am washed by the water.

this is a tattoo i really want and something that is really close to my heart. Needtobreathe has a song called "washed by the water" and it is by far one of the best songs ever written, i almost choke up everytime i hear it. it is such a constant reminder that even when life freaking SUCKS and things are hard, we have Jesus. I mean, Jesus is a legit guy and he makes ALL things new, its just a matter of living through that brokenness and hurt. I think a lot of people run from this or look for a quick patch to cover it up but i don't feel like that is how Jesus would have wanted us to live. I think life is all about this hard stuff, living through it, suffering, hurting, crying, screaming, banging on that door with prayers just waiting. I think going through hard stuff makes us who we are and really affects and shapes our character. I will NEVER take back anything hard I've been though or will go through.

Why cant you just walk like Jesus walked? Love like he did?

My dear friend whom I just ADORE said something like this tonight, referring to someone we both know. This person is so quick to judge others and say somethign bad about them and it bothers us... and this is what Jenny wanted to say to her. and as she said that it really made me think and get really mad at myself for the times i have said not nice things about people. i HATE when I do that and I am really trying to change that about me, but it's hard. I want to walk like Jesus did, LOVE like he did.

but this is hard when you have friends around you who don't believe in you. they make comments about you and what you say instead of encouraging you and realizing you are truly trying to make a life style change. i gave this up for lent and it was hard, and I failed sometimes but i tried, a lot and to not get any credit for that really hurts. giving this up was far different than giving up sweets, or coffee or facebook, this is a real lifestyle change, I want to change myself, to be a better person. a little support and encouragement would be nice, but instead they focused on my flaws. woof.

so friends who believe in me when I say I am really stronger and he's going to hurt me this time, or when I catch myself and say sorry and you recognize it... thanks, you mean the world.

do you think that if you cry when you cant run that youre obsessed with it? because thats me and the fact that my foot hurts right now, makes me want to cry. have you ever had a bad run where you just can't get yourself going and your feet feel like bricks and you cant breathe and you feel like you could collapse? yea, me too... but does that make you seriously angry? ... it does me. i think I am obsessed with running.

Even when the rain falls,

even when the flood starts rising,

even when the storm comes,

YOU are washed by the water.

Even when the earth crumbles under my feet,

even when the ones I love turn around and crucify me,

I wont ever, ever let you down,

I wont fall, i wont fall.. as long as you're around me.

strawberry cupcakes, 8 miles and what does this mean?

strawbabies.

Dear friends, I think I may have made the best cupcakes I have everrrrr made. So, for teacher appreciation week I decided to make my co-workers cupcakes.... and for some reason I have been thinking about strawberry cupcakes a lot lately... soo well i made some. I had no good recipe options so I hopped my way over to www.smittenkitchen.com (THE BEST BLOG EVER) and typed in the handy search bar "strawberry cupcakes" ... what comes up? Pink Lady Cake. ... hmm. I looked at the [complicated]recipe and knew these were it. I didn't change a thing except I put them in a cupcake pan, not 3 layer cake pans. :) They were marvelous.... so much so that my little brother wants them for his birthday... caaa ching. you need to try these cupcakes, i'm for serious.

first photo is the finished project. :)

8 miles.

i have ran 8 miles in the past week, EIGHT MILES. After being out for over 6 weeks and really not running at ALL (besides a realllly light 3 miles and 2 laps around the track) 8 miles feels amazing. Doc told me that I can run as long as I don't hurt before, during or after and surprisingly that has been the case. I just ran 3 tonight (new PR for that particular run!) and I can feel my foot if you know what I mean, it doesn't hurt per say... but I feel like it's just saying.. "hey, hey, hey anna! I am here, be careful."

I need to listen to my body. I am totally that run through the pain girl, one more mile girl, sprint at the end and don't let anyone beat me girl... I am that girl... but I am realizing that if I keep being that girl I am going to be that girl who is getting surgery. God has got to be teaching me something through this experience because this stuff is HARD. I am also very, very hard on myself, my workouts are never "enough" i always feel like I could do more and this too, has to stop. I am healthy. I am strong. that is important, not how long I was on the elliptical or how many crunches I did, especially if I am fairly consistent and I switch up my workouts...

Dear Anna, it is OKAY to have a light day. It is OKAY to not do a ton of abs and arms. Its OKAY to go to spin and then just go home. its OKAY to just do yoga one day. jeesh.

I've got to get a handle on this sweet tooth.

I have the worst sweet tooth ever lately and its killing me. I think I might give up sweets for a while to tell myself that I dont NEED them, to teach myself that they should be a treat and not something I eat a lot of every day. ( I mean im not horrible about it but still)

greek yogurt is amazing. try it. [thats all]

Do you ever find yourself asking God, or wanting to ask God... "what does this mean?" ? because I do. lately. now. a lot.

I had this friendship that was really important to me for 4 years... and even though it was one of my favorite things and was really awesome, it also was really toxic. It taught me a lot but it was hard and it hurt and i cried a lot. There came a time where I had to decide that i was done feeling invisible, like i was the only one in this friendship and this was seriously one of the hardest moments of my life. Admitting that this person didn't look at our friendship the way I did felt like I was knocking the wind out of myself over and over. I stopped this friendship completely for 4 months and I promised myself I wouldnt be the one to start it again. I prayed over and over for God's will to be done with this friendship because even though I knew deep down what I wanted for it I knew it was more important for me to pray that God do what he wanted with it. I even told God that i knew his will probably wasnt mine and that it would hurt but it was okay. and then when I am starting to feel peace about this whole thing, true, real peace and forgiveness ... 4 months later... this friendship pops back into my life. what does this mean, God? Am I supposed to jump back into this? Are you telling me its okay? Or am I manifesting all this in my brain because its secretly what I want? when i think about it and then randomly see this person, is this a sign? how do I read this? why did I go through 4 hard but great years? Is this a friendship that was never supposed to be? why were the things that were said, said? why were deep stories told? why was there ever a feeling of being invisible? what does this all mean God? am I supposed to let go? why would you put this person in my life for no reason? what's the reason? i need some explanation. im afraid of doing the wrong thing.

but this is the thing about God. he's not just going to hand over an explanation to me on a silver platter. he's going to teach me, he's going to show me but I have to trust him, i have to have faith in HIS plan, I need to know that it all happens for a reason but I also need to be okay with not knowing the reason, I pray that i can do this, that i can continue to put this in is hands and completely trust that he's got it all figured out. i need to just be.

just roll with it. no worries. no hurries. just Jesus.

there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear has to do with punishment. the one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Yoga, carbs and sweets. yikes.

Yoga.

I went to my first yoga class at the Y on saturday and let's just say it was amazing. Maybe its the gymnast in me but I LOVE making my body go in those crazy positions that I never thought it could go in. My body needed to stretch SO bad! My legs were so tight its not even funny.

Good thing Wemple didn't come with though because at one point I wished she was there so I could look at her and laugh... you know when the instructor says "bring your feet back down to the earth" ... in this low, tree hugger like voice. it was just funny, still love me some yoga though.

This is by far my favorite pose as of late... it's called the warrior 3 and it really just makes you feel likeyou are flying...

so yes, I love Yoga... which is awesome because my doctor said it would be really great for me while I am waiting for my foot to heal! woop!

one short run a week?

So, if you know me.. you know that not being able to run is TORTURE. So, I have decided that as long as it doesn't hurt I am going to do one short run a week... so like 2-3 miles. I am geeked!!

french fries. spinach dip. cookie skillet. alfredo. chocolate cake and ice cream.

I FAILED this weekend and I HATE it. I have such a hard time eating healthy on the weekend because my schedule is so messed up. The more scheduled my day, the better I eat. So, my new goal is to stick with the healthy weekend through the weekend. :)

muscle definition, feeling stronger.

So I know i have been complaining about not being able to run but I am noticing one thing about this whole ordeal that makes me happy. I HAVE MUSCLE DEFINITION! My arms are starting to look AWESOME and I am so excited. :) My core and abs also feel so much more stronger, even my legs--- although they are veryyyyy tight! :)

Feeling Distant.

Lately, I just feel like God is so far away. And this is not really in a BAD way, I just feel slightly disconnected. I am less motivated to read my Bible, as in I don't even do it like once a week and I just feel so BLAH about it. I hate saying that I "don't have time" because that is such a lame excuse when it comes to Jesus. He would NEVER say that to us. So... new plan!

either...

1. read my Bible with my coffee in the morning ... or...

2. read it before bed.. BEFORE my fun book

and... start a bible study/book club!! I am really excited to do this with Megan and Amanda and whoever else this summer, I think we are going to start by reading the book Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. I have read mixed reviews on it but I am so excited!

I wish I liked every book of the bible as much as I like Jonah and 1 John.

We've got Brothers and Sisters.

Today Rob taught on Revelation 3 and to be honest I was kind of drifting in and out and my attention was a little off... but one main thing he touched on was the fact that we aren't alone. We have friends, family, brothers and sisters in Christ that are there for us. They want to share our pain and struggles with us, they want to pray for us and they want to just be with us. This made me feel better about my distance lately... and made me so thankful for the people in my life who are there for me. I love them dearly.

random post.

i miss the Y key on my keyboard. come back.

grace, peace and know you're not alone.

amazing cake from a box and too many muscles.

no stress fracture.

that's the good news here... but the bad news is i have a raging case of tendonitis... in my ENTIRE foot. bughhhh! I shouldn't be surprised because well, I had it last year, ran a 15 mile race with it "stopped" running for a month and never let it heal... some how I thought i could easily train for a half marathon and it wouldn't come back. wrong.

do you workout your legs? with weights, etc?

Yes.

Yea,.... don't.

i still haven't quite figured out how to react to your foot doctor telling you that your legs have enough muscles and they don't needmore. how is that possible?

more bad news.

no more strength training/intervals that include my legs, especially my calves. (quads might see a little)

apparently my legs are so tight due to muscle that it is making my tendons work harder in my foot. can't decide if this is good or bad.

even more bad news.

no bayshore half marathon. yes, i cried.

oh yea, I also tore? a nerve in my foot. awesome.

do you think God does returns? like I could just call him up and get a new foot?

good news!!

because I have to spend much less time working out my legs... I am determined to have rocking abs and some big guns. bomb diggity.

cake from a box? that is amazing?!

ummm yes. soo you see about 2 months ago my aunt came to town for a sunday dinner and with her she brought thiscake. and this cake.... as i described it that day is "better than the chocolate cake i just paid $6 for at Uccellos!!" (a SLICE of cake that is) This is the most amazing chocolate cake I've ever had and its from a BOX! way to go Duncan & Hines, you rocked my socks right off.

try not to drool.

just share what you've got and don't ask for anything in return.

I recently viewed this video on a friend's facebook wall. its about this pro skateboarder and how he went down this road with drugs and alcohol trying to fill this void and now he is reaching out to young kids in his community through skateboarding and other fun things. He found Jesus and realized that

his void is filled with love.

one thing he said that really stuck out is "just share what you've got and don't ask for anything in return."

this is what he does.

this is such a simple, simple concept. yet in the society we live in, every time we do something we stand there waiting afterwards, arms stretched out and hands wide open, just waiting for something in return.

this has seriously inspired me to live more like Jesus did. He did SO much for us. He bore OUR sins on the cross. He healed the blind, the sick, helped the needy and loved those who weren't loved. not once did he EVER, ever ask for anything in return. He loves unconditionally, even people who in our eyes don't deserve that kind of love. he just loves.

can you imagine living a life this way? never asking for things in return but simply giving what you've got?

what you've got could be ... listening ears, advice, guidance, an extra dollar, anything.. big or small. don't be discouraged and think you have nothing to give.. because we all do... because we were created by someone who is so, so, awesome.

i can't wait to be a teacher.

what do you have that is worth sharing?

bow chicka wow wow bone scan suck

bone scan?
If you've never had a bone scan, don't be alarmed.. they don't hurt but it's just plain weird. I mean, I go to get my injection and the nurse rolls up with a solid steel box that is locked shut with a hazardous materials sticker on it... and here I am thinking... that's going in my BODY?! yea, it did. So, this bone scanis because of a potential stress fracture which also means I haven't ran in about 2-3 weeks, I can't quite remember... bottom line.. it SUCKS.

I cried.

I CRIED last friday because it was beautiful outside and I couldn't go for a run. I CRIED. I need to run emotionally more than physically. Something about running feeds my soul. I NEED it. This blows. I have been doing a lot of strength and random cardio but lets be serious here, I am so sick of the freaking bike and elliptical. I cheated and ran one lap on tuesday night, it felt like HEAVEN so yesterday I ran two laps (i know, moving up in the world. ;) ) and that felt amazing too, I could tell that more than anythingmy lungs are going to need help getting back on track.

I go back to the doctor on April 14th to review the bone scan, stupid head needed to take a spring break... come on dude, you're a doctor and I need to run... you don't get a vacation! I decided yesterday that I am going to do this half marathon, some how... not sure how... but it's going to happen. I am beginning to wonder if I really have a stress fracture, or if I am just saying that because I am really hoping I don't. bahhummbug.

On a happier note I am loving this strengthening stuff and I can really tell a difference.. woop woop!

rice&beans and oatmeal cookies.

So, if you know me you know I eat sort of weird things but lately my obsession has been with rice & black beans, of course with my homemade salsa verde and franks red hot. it's deeelicious if you haven't tried it. I usually do like a 1/2-whole cup of rice with the equivalent of beans. It's super filling and not that bad for you... win and win.

(tomatillos boiling for salsa verde!!)

so, i made salsa verde and i also made two kinds of oatmeal cookies. oatmeal cookies are my favorite, i think i like the batter the best. I am getting a lot more comfortable baking, i sort of follow a recipe but find myself adding random ingredients too. I'm gonna keep rolling with this until my cookies come out tasting like poo.

"My strength is all you need, my power works best in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

This verse means a lot lately, it's my favorite verse but with this whole no running thing, it has really been helping. As weak and blah as I feel because I can't run, I have to remember that His power is all I need and that it is strong enough to heal me, it's just actually letting myself let him heal me. I'm trying so hard to actually take it easy and not run, but this is one of the hardest things I've faced in the past few months.

so that's it. no running. no cupcakes.... but strength and cookies! how can you argue with that?

(i know you wish you were eating these!)

grace, peace and happy ellipticaling. (bugh) :)

I am thankful

I am thankful ....

... for suffering. (and that it's only temporary)

... for God's timing being so incredibly perfect.

... for my wax.

... but more for my lit wick.

.... so no cupcakes this week.

I haven't been inspired to bake lately. sad, I know. I have been far more interested in eating and cooking food that is good for my body. (maybe that's why I bought protein powder. waahhh who am I becoming?!)

.... Running is lovely.

I ran a solid 8 last week with Amanda in less than 10 minute miles + tons of harsh wind. It felt good. It was my first long run that I had enough strength to sprint the last little bit. This week we did just over 5, my foot isn't too keen on running lately. :-/ Back to the doc I go. argh. I have been really interested in this trainer, Rachel Cosgrove. She did a complete iron man and lost 5lbs, she wasn't content with this so she did some research. After her research she realized she should have lost 64lbs!!! She realized that your body just gets used the cardio, which completely explains why I can run 5 miles and barely break a sweat. My body isn't being pushed anymore. She switched to doing a lot more strength training and boot camp style work outs. (lunges, squats, jumprope, kettle bell, etc) She saw a tremendous difference. Now, does this mean I am done running? HECK NO. (well, we'll see what the doc says ;) ) I run because I love it, not because I want to lose weight. But, lets be serious, I might add some of her workouts to week and take out a little running. Amanda and I did today and boy is it going to be hard to get out of bed tomorrow! :) ahh, it hurts so good.

I am thankful for suffering

because I have learned so much about myself. All the times my heart physically hurt, all the times I cried my eyes out driving home from somewhere, all the times I chose to run rather than sit and cry. This was hard. It hurt. It SUCKED. I even had a serious realization. I realized I was trying to be someone other than myself just to be loved. I didn't know who I was. I was so concerned with being that other person that I completely lost track of me. of what I like. of where I want to travel. of who I want to be friends with. of what means the most to me. through this suffering I learned that yes, I do like nice things. yes my dream is to be that adorable teacher who runs when she gets out of school every day. that teacher that strives to make a difference. no, i don't want to move to a new city all alone. i just can't get into Harry Potter. i am kind of spoiled. i have too many pairs of shoes but i'm completely okay with it. i love reading about Jesus but a cheesy girly novel is fantastic too. i want to hike a mountain. i learned that i'm not hipster. i'm not indie. i'm not preppy. i am ME. I like Gap. I like Banana Republic. I dream of wearing J.Crew but yet the idea of dreads, tattoos, flannel shirts and Tom's Shoes is so me too. I separated this for so long just to be loved. In return I got the opposite. I am thankful that this hurt and suffering is making me ME. (I am also glad that suffering is forever, because that would be real hard.)

I am thankful that God's timing is perfect.

I had been struggling a lot the past couple of weeks and really missing someone that once meant a lot to me. I hurt and I still do but throughout these past couple weeks I learned that I played a part in the problems too. Through these realizations I found that I was ready for forgiveness, grace and peace for this situation and God knew it because he made the beginning of this happen. It was one of those times where I sat back and thought, Dang God you so know what's up. You knew I was ready for this. You knew I needed this.

I am thankful for my wax.

Shane taught today on Revelation 2. He talked about verse 9, where it says "I know your afflictions and poverty- yet you are rich!" .. aka "I know about your emptiness, but you are full." At first, this made no sense. But then he used a big versus a small candle to demonstrate this. The big candle has way more wax but when lit, they produce the exact same amount of light and heat. Our richness doesn't come from the wax surrounding the candle, but from the fact that our wick is lit. He explained that we are born with the same with but different wax. But in this life we are so consumed with who has more/better wax. (money, cars, houses, clothes, etc) I am thankful for my wax, because it's just enough. I am thankful for what I've been given and the opportunities I've had.. but I am more thankful

for my lit wick.

I have been given this lit wick to light many other candles. I have been given this gift. We all have and I am so excited that I get to use this. I get to spread it. My richness is my WICK. not my wax. my richness comes from above, not from what I have here on earth. no amount of wax will ever enlarge the scale or scope of the wick and no one is more rich than someone who's wick is lit.

i'm wordy. i ramble. i don't use perfect grammar and punctuation. and sometimes i don't make sense. it's fine.

I am thankful.

Chocolate + Marshmallow

Woof. Been a while. :-/ School kinda took over my life for a hot second! But I finally made some cupcakes today. Two of my little cousins helped me with a school project so I said I would pay them in cupcakes. :) They ended up wanting to help me make the cupcakes so it turned into a little cousin baking adventure, it was super fun. :)

So, the original plan was to make Red Velvet cupcakes because that's what Amanda requested.. and well I promised her I would make her cupcakes for Valentines Day. But... when I was at Meijer there was no red food coloring OR buttermilk to be found.. the two ingredients I didn't have that I needed! I had to quickly come up with plan B while I was at Meijer. I googled marshmallow frosting on my phone and settled on a chocolate cupcake with marshmallow frosting. Now, I'm not sure if I am just amazing at making cupcakes or if people just tellme they are the best for funsies. ;) But they turned out pretty darn good and were rather easy too! I love good cupcakes that are easy!! I got the chocolate cupcake recipe here and didn't change a think. Rachel Ray hooked me up with the marshmallow frosting recipe, here. I cut the recipe in half which turned out to be a great idea because it made plenty. So, here's what they look like. I love them, they are so cute. :P

As far as running, Megan and I did a 6.7 mile run this week in the snow and slush. It was super fun and relatively easy. Megan is pretty much my perfect running partner because we are about the same height and have endless things to talk about. Running for an hour and 15 minutes was a breeze... aside from the cold wind and soaked shoes. :P

So... do you ever feel like you are so freaking busybusybusy and your life is just crazy because you have so much going on and you are so disconnected and don't even have 2 seconds to slow down!? Yeah. that's me. And Rob's teaching on Ecclesiates 4 pretty much confirmed something I have been thinking about doing for a long time. My weeks fly by because my schedule is so packed. I can easily go 3 weeks without talking to or seeing really great friends. This is not okay for me. Ecclesiates 4v6 says "Better is one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind." Right now, I have two handfuls. I am disconnected. I am busybusybusy. I am stressed. I am chasing after the wind. And I want one, peaceful, tranquil, still handful. I am done teacher assisting from 8-1130, working from 12-5 at job one and then working from 530-12am at job two. Fridays, you will never look like this again. I want to live. I want to see people. I want to have relationships.. because after all.. relationships are FAR more important than money. So thanks, Rob Bell for teaching on Ecclesiates 4 and making me realize how stuffed full my two handfuls are.

Are both of your hands stuffed full? Making fists just to hold onto everything?

Grace & Peace Friends!